Last night, I left the house for a night of socializing. This seems rare these days. Post-COVID (sort of, I know it is still out there), the thought of the effort involved to ‘go out’ and talk to people seems excruciating. But I recognize that it is more the thoughts in my head than anything else and that when I do make the effort it is actually fun.
But this post is not about that. This post is about finding a tribe and the gratitude that I have for the people in my tribe. You see, I have a lot of acquaintances and friends. I’ve had incredible opportunities in my life to meet amazing people. I’m still in touch and close with friends from high school. I have a few college and grad school friends. I’ve met people through work and through other educational programs that I have engaged with. So there is no shortage of people in my life. In fact, it seems overwhelming at times because I struggle to keep up with them all. I’ve noticed that when I try I start to retreat. Then I feel bad. I feel like a bad friend when I lose touch with people who are important to me.
But then I wonder…
How do I want to spend my time? And who do I want to spend my time with?
And I come to the very sad, but real realization that it’s hard to relate to those who I have been close with in the past. Because they have kids and I don’t…by CHOICE.
I feel like a terrible person in saying it, but I feel like I have lost many of my close friends to their kids.
There I said it out loud. Of course I respect that they’ve made their choice and I have made mine. But frankly, I don’t give a fuck about diaper genies, soccer practice, school plays of whatever else those in their mid-40s spend time doing. It’s as though they have lost their identities to parenthood and no longer even know who they are.
Not me…
I am me. I live for me. I make my rules. I no longer apologize for not having kids. It’s actually great to stop being asked when the wrinkles and gray hairs become more visible.
And I’m grateful to have a tribe. A group of friends who has also decided that kids are not for them. They get it.
This is not to say that I don’t treasure the friendships of those friends who have chosen parenthood. I just need to remember that our time together may be limited by a lack of understanding and relatability.
And I can accept that…
