I’m scared…
For the past year+ I have been studying to be a professional coach. My desire is not only to live my own life with ease, but to support others in doing the same. For so long, I was surviving. I was not thriving. I lived in a prison of guilt and electronic hell – meaning that I was haunted by thoughts that I HAD TO work 12 hours a day or I wasn’t going to be worth anything. That I’d be ‘found out.’ The imposter syndrome was crippling. I never viewed myself as doing enough.
And as I’ve done my required free sessions, I’ve heard the same story from so many. What I hear over and over again is that most people want some version of financial freedom. They are sick of their jobs, but it most cases it is not the work. It’s the way the work is structured. We HAVE TO work 40 hours. We HAVE TO return to offices. We HAVE TO show the data that supports our decisions. It’s always some version of HAVE TO. And whenever I hear the phrase HAVE TO, it is a red flag. I means that it is not what we choose. What they don’t tell you is that you really don’t HAVE TO do anything. They don’t want you to know this.
So now, I HAVE TO take my final exam. But do I? I suppose I don’t but then I won’t get the certification that I’ve worked so hard for. I have the skills. I’ve gotten many compliments on my coaching. But like it or not, the certification means something. It validates me in some way. It shows that I’ve not only completed the training, but I’ve chosen to take the final exam and be judged by a team of assessors.
Ugh! That really sounds SO GROSS. And that’s where the fear and dread come from. I don’t want to be judged. Being judged feels icky. It feels gross. And that in itself is an important part of the coaching process. We are very well trained to not judge. Of course we are human. So if we are judging it likely means that we, as coaches, are not a good fit for the client. For example, I probably wouldn’t work well with someone who had strongly held religious beliefs. Because I have a strong viewpoint that religion is the basis of everything that is wrong in the world. Of course, I am entitled to that opinion just like you are entitled to yours. And I will gladly work with someone who I don’t have a good fit with to get them to the right coach.
So I’m off to be judged. I’ll do the thing that I HAVE TO do. I will have hope and faith that I will pass. And then I can move on to feeling like I am fully qualified to do this work.
