Life throws us curveballs sometimes. The only way to get through it is to believe that there truly is a reason for it. Reading my last post gave me pause. I reflect on the gratitude that I have for the timing of things. Had everything been shifted by a few weeks, it would not have happened like it did. Everything that I had been looking forward to got in, just in time.
Since that post, I’ve found a job. It was the one that I had been hoping for since last summer. To be honest, the work itself is kind of meh. But the organization, the people, and the extremely generous and fair pay make it all worth it. I can still work on my side hustle as a coach while having a generous income. So that part is good.
What I didn’t expect was to be a caregiver. My husband and I are not old. We are middle aged. Middle age can throw challenges at you, but this was not a thing that I expected. As I started this new job, I did not expect to be caring for a person who is 95% blind. The image above is black because when I searched for images related to caregiving it was all pictures of elderly people. We are not elderly!
At the moment it feels like it though. It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. It feels like the responsibility of keeping the bus driving at home and at work is all on my shoulders. I can feel the anxiety and trauma rising in my body. I can feel that attempts to relax are not relaxing because I feel like I should be doing something.
I don’t want to go back to burnout. But I feel like I am slowly being sucked back in…
