In my last post, I spoke of my layoff. If I had to be let go, the timing was perfect. I was about to head into my final weekend of coach training. From there I was set to go on a retreat in Costa Rica, followed by a vacation in Curacao. I was able to do all of these things through the lens of absolute freedom. No emails to check, no guilt over not working. Taking email off of my phone and only checking from my computer was an act of rebellion in itself.
During this time, I felt like I was truly in a state of flow. I let intuition guide me. On retreat, I went to the classes that I chose, rather than trying to force myself to go to all of them. There were days I felt very social and I honored that. There were days when I either felt creative or the need to isolate, and I honored that as well. When I had my period from hell, what felt like a great release, I allowed myself to be nurtured and taken care of by another human who I barely knew, but who truly felt like a sister. I allowed the gratitude to pour through me.
Vacation was a time to truly connect with my husband and with other members of the naturalist community. It wasn’t about going to every restaurant, doing all the things, or being completely overstimulated the whole time. It was about lying in the sunshine, enjoying the natural beauty, and having wonderful conversations with other humans. I found that my yoga and meditation was effortless. I didn’t need any guidance or instruction. I just allowed myself to move with the clouds.
Then I got home…
It was cold and gray. I had to unpack. I had to do laundry. I had to face the fact that I have NO INCOME. I have to find a job.
I’m so conflicted. Do I go full on and start my own business? Do I go the full time route for so called stability? Do I try to find some sort of contracting role? Do I just collect unemployment for as along as possible? PS – this is annoyingly hard. They sure don’t make it easy.
One of my favorite movies from the 90s is called Reality Bites. The past few weeks were a fantasy. Now I need to get to work and I’m feeling woefully unprepared.
