What a difference a year makes…
Last year, at this time, things were so different.
It was my last week at the job I had been at for 10 years. Same role, two different companies. Mostly the same people. Emotionally, I was all over the place. I knew it was time. I knew that if I didn’t leave, that I would never be able to recover from the burnout I had experienced.
In addition to getting ready to start my new job (which ended up being a complete and total shit show, if I had only known), I was getting ready to go on a different kind of retreat in Costa Rica. One I had been looking forward to for months, as a means to recover from said burnout.
Through a WhatsApp group, I had gotten to know my roommate as well as some of the other retreat participants. I began to realize that most of those going were significantly younger than me. Like young enough to be my child.
Fuck…
Am I going to fit in?
Am I going to be accepted?
What the hell am I doing? Is this all part of my mid-life crisis?
Is this really for you?
So, I did what any insecure middle aged woman would do. I made a hair appointment.
I wanted perfect blonde highlights. I wanted to look beachy. I wanted to look sun kissed.
I wanted to look younger.
I’m not sure if I succeeded. I don’t think it was a secret that I was older than most who were there. It didn’t matter. I was welcomed and accepted as much as anyone else. This speaks more to the community of people, and is less about me. Nonetheless, I am grateful.
This year, I am going with my roots showing. My grays. My wisdom strands.
Most of the others there will have years before the grays come. Good for them.
I’ve done the work throughout the year…
I found my therapist.
I enrolled in coach training.
I meditated.
I slowed down and asked for the accommodation that I needed.
And that has led me to not giving a FUCK how gray my hair is. This year I go to Costa Rica as 100% my authentic self.
