Most of the time, most of us are too busy to notice time going by…
The 40s are a strange time. Many people are taking care of their kids who by this point are either likely to be old enough where they don’t want to be taken care of. Or you waited to have kids and you are now too tired to chase them around through the terrible twos or threes or whatever. Or you are dealing with aging parents who also likely don’t want to be taken care of. It’s a strange sense of role reversal. And you are also likely dealing with your own aging and changing body. For me, there are days when I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize myself. And as a female of a certain age, I can confidently say that my period is trying to kill me.
I look around and I feel uneasy because I know that time is not limitless, yet I also know that it is manmade. That is just weird. I see my friend’s children and they are teenagers – how the fuck did that happen? As a non-parent, it is easy for me to judge and I try not to. But I often feel like my friends are too hard on their kids. This is likely because I feel a bit like a teenager myself. I feel like a rebel when I look at those around me and most of the time I intentionally don’t want to follow the rules. I don’t have kids for one simple reason. I DID NOT WANT THEM. I worked in corporate America until it got the best of me and I have no desire to go back. I don’t go to church because I see no value in spending my time in a way that compromises my sovereignty. In fact, all I want to do is frolic naked in the sunshine which would normally be highly frowned upon in our society for someone of my age and body type.
I’m so over what people think. Like I truly don’t give a fuck. But what’s on my mind is a questioning of how I spend my limited time. Am I spending it working on the things I want to work on? Am I spending it with the people I want to be spending it with? Am I allowing myself to truly evolve?
I don’t actually have the answers to these questions but I feel like they are on my mind all of the time…
