I’m back here again, back at the place of debilitating burnout that I experienced last year.
Well, that didn’t take long.
I thought I was better. I thought the trip to Costa Rica would be the cure, I thought being at a smaller company would help, I thought leaving a job that I had been loyal to for so long would be the answer. But here I am…
Let’s get one thing straight. I had to leave. If this opportunity had not come up, I never would have. I would have continued with what I had been doing for another 10 years. They money would have been good, but I would have continued to zombify with no sense of fire in my belly.
But I have to be honest with myself. Where I’m at is not the cure. It’s worse actually, because the work that I am doing brings me no joy. It’s a tough situation, because the people have been nothing but wonderful to me. But I can’t ignore that my mental health is suffering. And I just may not be stable enough to give them what they need.
Then there is me…
Who is this person coming out of the matrix? Did the experience in Costa Rica do this to me? I no longer have any tolerance to abuse myself in this way, to be this unhappy. Part of me wishes that I could just go to work like anyone else, to suffer, and to get my paycheck at the end of the week. I’ve been that person for over two decades. I’m just not willing to be that person anymore. I value myself too much. I don’t have a plan at the moment as to what to do next or how to bring in any income. But at some point, I have to let go. I have to trust in myself and in the universe.
This story is still being written…
